How to Get Over Someone You Love: A Guide to Healing

8/11/2025

Getting Over Someone You Poured Your Heart Into: A No-BS Guide to Healing

Let's be real for a second. Getting rejected by someone you love, someone you went all-in for, is a special kind of hell. It’s not just a “bummer” or a “setback.” It’s a full-body, mind-bending, soul-crushing experience that can make you question everything. And honestly, it’s supposed to hurt. It's biology, after all.

Turns out, our brains are literally hard-wired for connection. When we fall in love, our brains release a cocktail of feel-good chemicals, like dopamine, the same stuff that gets released with other highly rewarding experiences. So, when that love is suddenly ripped away, our brains go into a state that researchers have compared to cocaine withdrawal. No wonder it feels like you can’t function. You're not being dramatic; you're going through a legitimate withdrawal from a very powerful bond.

And the crazy part? Almost everyone goes through this. Studies show that a massive 80-90% of people have been on the receiving end of a gut-wrenching breakup. So, while your pain is uniquely yours, you’re in good company. But knowing that doesn’t magically make the hurt disappear. The question is, how do you actually start to feel like yourself again?

Here’s the thing, there's no magic button. It's a process, and it's messy. But there are ways to navigate it, to not just survive but to come out the other side stronger. I’ve been there, and I’ve talked to a lot of people who have been there too. So, let’s get into it.

The Raw Reality of Rejection: What’s Actually Happening to You

First off, let’s validate what you’re feeling. The pain of rejection isn't just "in your head." Brain scans have shown that romantic rejection activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain. So when you say it feels like a punch to the gut, you’re not far off. This isn't just about feeling sad; it’s about a deep, primal wound.

You might find yourself cycling through a few stages, and they don't always happen in a neat order. It can feel like a chaotic mess of emotions. Psychology Today breaks it down into a few common phases:

Protest & Passion: This is the "I can fix this" stage. You might find yourself sending long texts, calling at 2 a.m., or endlessly replaying conversations, trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong. You might even feel an intense passion for the person who rejected you, which is your brain’s desperate attempt to get that dopamine hit back.
Anger & Fury: Once the reality starts to sink in that you can't fix it, anger often follows. You might be mad at them, at yourself, at the universe. This is a totally normal and, frankly, necessary part of the process. Just try not to do anything you'll regret later, like a public social media rant.
Despair & Depression: This is the quiet after the storm. The anger fades, and you're left with the heavy, hollow feeling of loss. Your self-esteem might be at an all-time low, and you may question your own worthiness. This is a dangerous place to get stuck, which is why taking proactive steps to heal is so important.

It’s also worth noting that statistically, women tend to report higher levels of both physical and emotional pain after a breakup, but they also tend to recover more fully and come out emotionally stronger. Men, on the other hand, might just "move on" without ever truly processing the loss, which can have long-term consequences.

Let’s be honest, breaking up in the age of social media is a whole other beast. It used to be that when a relationship ended, you could create physical distance. Now, their life is just a tap away. A study from the University of Colorado found that even if you unfriend or block your ex, social media algorithms have a nasty habit of shoving reminders in your face. You might see a "memory" of a happy vacation, a picture of them tagged by a mutual friend, or even a suggestion to connect with their new partner's mom. It's brutal.

The temptation to check their social media can be overwhelming. It’s like picking at a scab. That quick hit of information might feel satisfying for a second, but it just prolongs the pain and keeps you tethered to the past. Some experts even compare it to an addiction; you're seeking a dopamine hit from seeing them, even if it's a painful one.

So, what do you do?

Go on a Digital Detox: Seriously. Take a break from all social media for a week, two weeks, a month – whatever you need. Give your brain a chance to reset without the constant triggers.
Use the Mute Button Liberally: If a full detox isn't realistic, mute your ex, their friends, their family, and any other accounts that might trigger you. It's a small act of self-preservation that can make a HUGE difference.
Set Boundaries with Friends: Let your close friends know that you don't want updates on your ex. A good friend will respect this and help you create the space you need to heal.

Rebuilding from the Rubble: Your Guide to Getting YOU Back

Okay, so you've acknowledged the pain, you've (hopefully) put some distance between you and their Instagram feed. Now what? This is where the real work begins. This is about more than just "getting over" them; it's about personal growth.

1. Let Yourself Grieve (For Real)

You can't bypass this step. You've experienced a significant loss, and you need to grieve it. This means letting yourself feel all the ugly, messy emotions without judgment. Cry. Journal. Scream into a pillow. Talk to a trusted friend or a therapist. Grieving isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign that you loved deeply, and that's something to be proud of.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to suppress their feelings. They put on a brave face and pretend they're fine, but all that unprocessed emotion just festers under the surface. It will come out eventually, and probably in a much less healthy way.

2. Reconnect with Your True Self

When you're in a deep relationship, your identity can become intertwined with your partner's. You might have adopted their hobbies, their friend group, even their way of talking. A breakup is a jarring but powerful opportunity to rediscover who YOU are outside of that relationship.

Think back to the things you loved to do before you met them. What were your passions? What made you feel alive? Maybe it was painting, hiking, playing an instrument, or volunteering. Dive back into those things. It's not about distracting yourself; it's about remembering and reconnecting with the core of who you are. This self-rediscovery is a key factor in personal growth after a breakup.

3. Change Your Perspective (Positive Reframing)

Right now, it probably feels like this rejection is a reflection of your worth. But what if you could reframe it? Instead of seeing it as a personal failure, view it as an opportunity for growth. What did you learn from this relationship? What did you learn about yourself? What are your non-negotiables for a future partner?

It’s healthier to interpret heartbreak as a catalyst for growth rather than as evidence of a personal flaw. This experience, as painful as it is, can teach you so much about what you want and need in a relationship, and it can make you a more resilient and self-aware person.

4. The Power of Physical Activity

Exercise is one of the most underrated tools for healing a broken heart. When you exercise, your brain releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting and pain-relieving effects. It's a natural way to combat the depression and anxiety that often come with rejection.

It doesn't have to be a grueling workout at the gym. A long walk in nature, a dance class, a yoga session – anything that gets your body moving can make a world of difference. It's also a way to get out of your head and back into your body, which can be incredibly grounding when your thoughts are spiraling.

5. Lean on Your Support System (The Right Way)

Your friends and family are your lifeline right now. Let them be there for you. But it's important to seek the right kind of support. Studies have shown that emotional support (having someone to talk to, to laugh with, to vent to) is incredibly beneficial for personal growth after a breakup.

However, be wary of becoming too dependent on instrumental support (having people do things for you that you could do yourself). It’s okay to let your friends bring you comfort food for a night or two, but it’s important to get back on your own two feet. This is about building your own resilience, not having someone else carry you through it.

In a business context, this is where having a solid support system is also crucial. For businesses dealing with a high volume of customer inquiries, especially those of an emotional or urgent nature, it can be overwhelming for a human team to handle it all. That's where tools like Arsturn come in. Arsturn helps businesses create custom AI chatbots trained on their own data. These chatbots can provide instant, 24/7 support to customers, answering common questions & freeing up human agents to handle the more complex or sensitive issues. It's about providing that immediate, reliable support, which can make a huge difference in customer experience.

6. Building a New Life & Setting Goals

Now is the time to be a little selfish. What do YOU want your life to look like? This is your chance to build a life that is 100% aligned with your values and aspirations. Set some new goals, both big and small. Maybe it’s a career change, a trip you’ve always wanted to take, or learning a new skill.

These goals give you a sense of purpose and direction. They shift your focus from the past to the future. Every step you take toward a new goal is a step away from the pain of your past relationship. It's about creating a future that is so exciting, you're no longer tempted to look back.

And for businesses, setting and achieving goals is the name of the game. A big part of that is effective lead generation and customer engagement. This is another area where a tool like Arsturn can be a game-changer. By building a no-code AI chatbot trained on your business's data, you can engage with website visitors in a personalized way, answer their questions in real-time, and capture leads even when your sales team is asleep. It's a powerful way to automate and optimize a crucial part of your business, helping you build meaningful connections with your audience at scale.

A Final Thought

I know it feels like the pain will last forever, but it won't. I promise. Healing from a deep love and a painful rejection is a journey, not a destination. There will be good days and bad days. There will be days when you feel like you've taken ten steps back. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself.

This experience, as devastating as it is, has the power to crack you wide open in the best possible way. It can teach you about your own strength, your own resilience, and your own capacity for love. It can lead you to a deeper understanding of yourself and what you truly want out of life.

So, feel the feelings, do the work, and trust the process. You've got this.

Hope this was helpful. Let me know what you think.